Mr. Midshipman Easy Read online

  CHAPTER SIX.

  IN WHICH JACK MAKES ESSAY OF HIS FATHER'S SUBLIME PHILOSOPHY AND ARRIVESVERY NEAR TO TRUTH AT LAST.

  The next morning Master Jack Easy was not only very sore but veryhungry, and as Mr Bonnycastle informed him that he would not only haveplenty of cane, but also no breakfast, if he did not learn his letters,Johnny had wisdom enough to say the whole alphabet, for which hereceived a great deal of praise, the which if he did not dulyappreciate, he at all events infinitely preferred to beating. MrBonnycastle perceived that he had conquered the boy by one hour'swell-timed severity. He therefore handed him over to the ushers in theschool, and as they were equally empowered to administer the needfulimpulse, Johnny very soon became a very tractable boy.

  It may be imagined that the absence of Johnny was severely felt at home,but such was not the case. In the first place, Dr Middleton hadpointed out to Mrs Easy that there was no flogging at the school, andthat the punishment received by Johnny from his father would very likelybe repeated--and in the next, although Mrs Easy thought that she nevercould have survived the parting with her own son, she soon found outthat she was much happier without him. A spoiled child is always asource of anxiety and worry, and after Johnny's departure, Mrs Easyfound a quiet and repose much more suited to her disposition. Graduallyshe weaned herself from him, and, satisfied with seeing him occasionallyand hearing the reports of Dr Middleton, she at last was quitereconciled to his being at school, and not coming back except during theholidays. John Easy made great progress; he had good natural abilities,and Mr Easy rubbed his hands when he saw the doctor, saying, "Yes, letthem have him for a year or two longer, and then I'll finish himmyself." Each vacation he had attempted to instil into Johnny's mindthe equal rights of man. Johnny appeared to pay but little attention tohis father's discourses, but evidently showed that they were notaltogether thrown away, as he helped himself to everything he wanted,without asking leave. And thus was our hero educated until he arrivedat the age of sixteen, when he was a stout, good-looking boy, withplenty to say for himself,--indeed, when it suited his purpose, he couldouttalk his father.

  Nothing pleased Mr Easy so much as Jack's loquacity.--"That's right;argue the point, Jack--argue the point, boy," would he say, as Jackdisputed with his mother. And then he would turn to the doctor, rubbinghis hands, and observe, "Depend upon it, Jack will be a great, a verygreat man." And then he would call Jack and give him a guinea for hiscleverness; and at last Jack thought it a very clever thing to argue.He never would attempt to argue with Mr Bonnycastle, because he wasaware that Mr Bonnycastle's arguments were too strong for him, but heargued with all the boys until it ended in a fight which decided thepoint; and he sometimes argued with the ushers. In short, at the timewe now speak of, which was at the breaking up of the Midsummer holidays,Jack was as full of argument as he was fond of it. He would argue thepoint to the point of a needle, and he would divide that point into asmany as there were days of the year, and argue upon each. In short,there was no end to Jack's arguing the point, although there seldom waspoint to his argument.

  Jack had been fishing in the river, without any success, for a wholemorning, and observed a large pond which had the appearance of beingwell stocked--he cleared the park palings, and threw in his line. Hehad pulled up several fine fish, when he was accosted by the proprietor,accompanied by a couple of keepers.

  "May I request the pleasure of your name, young gentleman?" said theproprietor to Jack.

  Now Jack was always urbane and polite.

  "Certainly, sir; my name is Easy, very much at your service."

  "And you appear to me to be taking it very easy," replied the gentleman."Pray, sir, may I inquire whether you are aware that you aretrespassing?"

  "The word trespass, my dear sir," replied Jack, "will admit of muchargument, and I will divide it into three heads. It implies, accordngto the conventional meaning, coming without permission upon the land orproperty of another. Now, sir, the question may all be resolved in thefollowing. Was not the world made for all? and has any one, or anyportion of its inhabitants an exclusive right to claim any part of it,as his property? If you please, I have laid down the proposition, andwe will now argue the point."

  The gentleman who accosted Jack had heard of Mr Easy and his arguments;he was a humorist, and more inclined to laugh than to be angry; at thesame time he considered it necessary to show Jack that under existingcircumstances they were not tenable.

  "But, Mr Easy, allowing the trespass on the property to be venial,surely you do not mean to say that you are justified in taking my fish;I bought the fish, and stocked the pond, and have fed them ever since.You cannot deny but that they are private property, and that to takethem is a theft?"

  "That will again admit of much ratiocination, my dear sir," repliedJack; "but--I beg your pardon, I have a fish." Jack pulled up a largecarp, much to the indignation of the keepers and to the amusement oftheir master, unhooked it, placed it in his basket, renewed his baitwith the greatest _sang froid_, and then throwing in his line, resumedhis discourse. "As I was observing, my dear sir," continued Jack, "thatwill admit of much ratiocination. All the creatures of the earth weregiven to man for his use--man means mankind--they were never intended tobe made a monopoly of. Water is also the gift of heaven, and meant forthe use of all. We now come to the question how far the fish are yourproperty. If the fish only bred on purpose to please you, and make youa present of their stock, it might then require a different line ofargument; but as in breeding they only acted in obedience to an instinctwith which they are endowed on purpose that they may supply man, Isubmit to you that you cannot prove these fish to be yours more thanmine. As for feeding with the idea that they were your own, that is notan unusual case in this world, even when a man is giving bread andbutter to his children. Further--but I have another bite--I beg yourpardon, my dear sir. Ah! he's off again--"

  "Then, Mr Easy, you mean to say that the world and its contents aremade for all."

  "Exactly, sir, that is my father's opinion, who is a very greatphilosopher."

  "How then does your father account for some possessing property andothers being without it?"

  "Because those who are the strongest have deprived those who areweaker."

  "But would not that be always the case even if we were in that state ofgeneral inheritance which you have supposed. For instance, allowing twomen to chase the same animal, and both to come up to it at the sametime, would not the strongest bear it off?"

  "I grant that, sir."

  "Well, then, where is your equality?"

  "That does not disprove that men were not intended to be equal; it onlyproves that they are not so. Neither does it disprove that everythingwas not made for the benefit of all; it only proves that the strong willtake advantage of the weak, which is very natural."

  "Oh! you grant that to be very natural.--Well, Mr Easy, I am glad toperceive that we are of one mind, and I trust we shall continue so.You'll observe that I and my keepers being three, we are the strongparty in this instance, and admitting your argument, that the fish areas much yours as mine, still I take advantage of my strength torepossess myself of them, which is, as you say, very natural.--James,take those fish."

  "If you please," interrupted Jack, "we will argue that point--"

  "Not at all; I will act according to your own arguments--I have thefish, but I now mean to have more--that fishing-rod is as much mine asyours, and being the stronger party, I will take possession of it.--James, William, take that fishing-rod--it is ours."

  "I presume you will first allow me to observe," replied Jack, "thatalthough I have expressed my opinion that the earth and the animals onit were made for us all, that I never yet have asserted that what a mancreates by himself, or has created for him for a consideration, is nothis own property."

  "I beg your pardon; the trees that that rod was made from were made forus all, and if you, or any one for you, have thought proper to make itinto a rod, it is no more my fault than
it is that I have been feedingthe fish with the supposition that they were my own. Everything beingcommon, and it being but natural that the strong should take advantageof the weak, I must take that rod as my property, until I amdispossessed by one more powerful. Moreover, being the stronger party,and having possession of this land, which you say does not belong to memore than to you--I also shall direct my keepers to see you off thisproperty. James, take the rod--see Mr Easy over the park palings. MrEasy, I wish you a good morning."

  "Sir, I beg your pardon, you have not yet heard all my arguments,"replied Jack, who did not approve of the conclusions drawn.

  "I have no time to hear more, Mr Easy: I wish you a good morning." Andthe proprietor departed, leaving Jack in company with the keepers.

  "I'll trouble you for that rod, master," said William. James was verybusy stringing the fish through the gills upon a piece of osier.

  "At all events you will hear reason," said Jack. "I have arguments--"

  "I never heard no good arguments in favour of poaching," interrupted thekeeper.

  "You're an insolent fellow," replied Jack. "It is by paying suchvagabonds as you that people are able to be guilty of injustice."

  "It's by paying us that the land an't poached--and if there be someexcuse for a poor devil who is out of work, there be none for you, whocall yourself a gentleman."

  "According to his 'count, as we be all equal, he be no more a gentlemanthan we be."

  "Silence, you blackguard, I shall not condescend to argue with such asyou: if I did I could prove that you are a set of base slaves, who havejust as much right to this property as your master or I have."

  "As you have, I dare say, master."

  "As I have, you scoundrel; this pond is as much my property, and so arethe fish in it, as they are of your master, who has usurped the right."

  "I say, James, what do you say, shall we put the young gentleman inpossession of his property?" said William, winking to the other.

  William took the hint; they seized Jack by the arms and legs, and sousedhim into the pond. Jack arose after a deep submersion, and flounderedon shore blowing and spluttering. But in the meantime the keepers hadwalked away, carrying with them the rod and line, fish, and tin-can ofbait, laughing loudly at the practical joke which they had played ourhero.

  "Well," thought Jack, "either here must be some mistake in my father'sphilosophy, or else this is a very wicked world. I shall submit thiscase to my father."

  And Jack received this reply--"I have told you before, Jack, that theseimportant truths will not at present be admitted--but it does not theless follow that they are true. This is the age of iron, in which mighthas become right--but the time will come when these truths will beadmitted, and your father's name will be more celebrated than that ofany philosopher of ancient days. Recollect, Jack, that although inpreaching against wrong and advocating the rights of man, you will betreated as a martyr, it is still your duty to persevere; and if you aredragged through all the horse-ponds in the kingdom, never give up yourargument."

  "That I never will, sir," replied Jack; "but the next time I argue itshall be, if possible, with power on my side, and, at all events, notquite so near a pond."

  "I think," said Mrs Easy, who had been a silent listener, "that Jackhad better fish in the river, and then, if he catches no fish, at allevents he will not be soused in the water, and spoil his clothes."

  But Mrs Easy was no philosopher.

  A few days afterwards, Jack discovered, one fine morning, on the otherside of a hedge, a summer apple-tree bearing tempting fruit, and heimmediately broke through the hedge, and climbing the tree, as our firstmother did before him, he culled the fairest and did eat.

  "I say, you sir, what are you doing there?" cried a rough voice.

  Jack looked down, and perceived a stout, thick-set personage in greycoat and red waistcoat, standing underneath him.

  "Don't you see what I'm about," replied Jack, "I'm eating apples--shallI throw you down a few?"

  "Thank you kindly--the fewer that are pulled the better; perhaps, as youare so free to give them to others as well as to help yourself, you maythink that they are your own property!"

  "Not a bit more my property than they are yours, my good man."

  "I guess that's something like the truth; but you are not quite at thetruth yet, my lad; those apples are mine, and I'll trouble you to comedown as fast as you please; when you're down we can then settle ouraccounts; and," continued the man, shaking his cudgel, "depend upon ityou shall have your receipt in full."

  Jack did not much like the appearance of things.

  "My good man," said he, "it is quite a prejudice on your part to imaginethat apples were not given, as well as all other fruit, for the benefitof us all--they are common property, believe me."

  "That's a matter of opinion, my lad, and I may be allowed to have myown."

  "You'll find it in the Bible," says Jack.

  "I never did yet, and I've read it through and through all, bating the'Pocryfar."

  "Then," said Jack, "go home and fetch the Bible, and I'll prove it toyou."

  "I suspect you'll not wait till I come back again. No, no; I have lostplenty of apples, and have long wanted to find the robbers out; now I'vecaught one I'll take care that he don't 'scape without apple-sauce, atall events--so come down, you young thief, come down directly--or itwill be all the worse for you."

  "Thank you," said Jack, "but I am very well here. I will, if youplease, argue the point from where I am."

  "I've no time to argue the point, my lad; I've plenty to do, but do notthink I'll let you off. If you don't choose to come down, why then youmay stay there, and I'll answer for it, as soon as work is done I shallfind you safe enough."

  "What can be done," thought Jack, "with a man who will not listen toargument? What a world is this!--however, he'll not find me here whenhe comes back, I've a notion."

  But in this Jack was mistaken. The farmer walked to the hedge, andcalled to a boy, who took his orders and ran to the farm-house. In aminute or two a large bull-dog was seen bounding along the orchard tohis master. "Mark him, Caesar," said the farmer to the dog, "mark him."The dog crouched down on the grass, with his head up, and eyes glaringat Jack, showing a range of teeth, that drove all our hero's philosophyout of his head.

  "I can't wait here, but Caesar can, and I will tell you, as a friend,that if he gets hold of you, he'll not leave a limb of you together--when work's done I'll come back." So saying, the farmer walked off,leaving Jack and the dog to argue the point, if so inclined. What a sadjade must philosophy be, to put her votaries in such predicaments!

  After a while the dog laid his head down and closed his eyes as ifasleep, but Jack observed, that at the least movement on his part oneeye was seen to partially unclose; so Jack, like a prudent man, resolvedto remain where he was. He picked a few more apples, for it was hisdinner-time, and as he chewed he ruminated.

  Jack had been but a few minutes ruminating before he was interrupted byanother ruminating animal, no less a personage than a bull, who had beenturned out with full possession of the orchard, and who now advanced,bellowing occasionally, and tossing his head at the sight of Caesar,whom he considered as much a trespasser as his master had our hero.Caesar started on his legs and faced the bull, who advanced pawing, withhis tail up in the air. When within a few yards the bull made a rush atthe dog, who evaded him and attacked him in return, and thus did thewarfare continue until the opponents were already at some distance fromthe apple-tree. Jack prepared for immediate flight, but unfortunatelythe combat was carried on by the side of the hedge at which Jack hadgained admission. Never mind, thought Jack, there are two sides toevery field, and although the other hedge joined on to the garden nearto the farm-house, there was no option. "At all events," said Jack,"I'll try it." Jack was slipping down the trunk, when he heard atremendous roar; the bull-dog had been tossed by the bull; he was thenhigh in the air, and Jack saw him fall on the other side of the hedg
e;and the bull was thus celebrating his victory with a flourish oftrumpets. Upon which Jack, perceiving that he was relieved from hissentry, slipped down the rest of the tree and took to his heels.Unfortunately for Jack, the bull saw him, and, flushed with victory, heimmediately set up another roar, and bounded after Jack. Jack perceivedhis danger, and fear gave him wings; he not only flew over the orchard,but he flew over the hedge, which was about five feet high, just as thebull drove his head into it. "Look before you leap," is an old proverb.Had Jack done so, he would have done better; but as there were cogentreasons to be offered in extenuation of our philosopher, we shall say nomore, but merely state that Jack, when he got on the other side of thehedge, found that he had pitched into a small apiary, and had upset twohives of bees, who resented the intrusion; and Jack had hardly time toget upon his legs before he found them very busy stinging him in allquarters. All that Jack could do was to run for it, but the bees flewfaster than he could run, and Jack was mad with pain, when he stumbled,half-blinded, over the brickwork of a well. Jack could not stop hispitching into the well, but he seized the iron chain as it struck himacross the face. Down went Jack, and round went the windlass, and aftera rapid descent of forty feet our hero found himself under water, and nolonger troubled with the bees, who, whether they had lost scent of theirprey from his rapid descent, or being notoriously clever insects,acknowledged the truth of the adage, "leave well alone," had certainlyleft Jack with no other companion than Truth. Jack rose from hisimmersion, and seized the rope to which the chain of the bucket was madefast--it had all of it been unwound from the windlass, and therefore itenabled Jack to keep his head above water. After a few seconds Jackfelt something against his legs, it was the bucket, about two feet underthe water; Jack put his feet into it and found himself prettycomfortable, for the water, after the sting of the bees and the heat hehad been put into by the race with the bull, was quite cool andrefreshing.

  "At all events," thought Jack, "if it had not been for the bull, Ishould have been watched by the dog, and then thrashed by the farmer;but then again, if it had not been for the bull, I should not havetumbled among the bees; and if it had not been for the bees, I shouldnot have tumbled into the well; and if it had not been for the chain, Ishould have been drowned. Such has been the chain of events, allbecause I wanted to eat an apple."

  "However, I have got rid of the farmer, and the dog, and the bull, andthe bees--all's well that ends well but how the devil am I to get out ofthe well?--All creation appears to have conspired against the rights ofman. As my father said, this is an iron age, and here I am swinging toan iron chain."

  We have given the whole of Jack's soliloquy, as it will prove that Jackwas no fool, although he was a bit of a philosopher; and a man who couldreason so well upon cause and effect, at the bottom of a well up to hisneck in water, showed a good deal of presence of mind. But if Jack'smind had been a little twisted by his father's philosophy, it had stillsufficient strength and elasticity to recover itself in due time. HadJack been a common personage, we should never have selected him for ourhero.